How to Best Unlock Your Creative Power - BM 288

Susan Friedmann:    Welcome to Book Marketing Mentors, the weekly podcast where you learn proven strategies, tools, ideas, and tips from the masters. Every week, I introduce you to a marketing master who will share their expertise to help you market and sell more books. Today, my special guest is a creative core coach. Rochelle Seltzer is the author of the highly-acclaimed book Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. Rochelle's mission is to unleash the untapped creative capacity inside people everywhere so that they bring all of their greatness into the world. She supports accomplished women to move past what keeps them blocked, stuck, and small to create bold visions for their lives and career so that they can truly live big. A dear friend and speaker colleague, Rochelle, what an absolute pleasure it is to welcome you to the show, and thank you for being this week's guest expert and mentor.

Rochelle Seltzer:           Oh Susan, I couldn't be more delighted to be with you. Thank you.

Susan Friedmann:         Rochelle, you call yourself a creative core coach. Now I've heard of a creative coach, I've heard of coaches, but a creative core coach, that's something new for me. What's that about?

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think that I'm the only creative core coach that I have ever heard of, because I coined the term. I coined it because my journey, in a nutshell, is that I had been a designer, I'd owned my own business for 27 years, and I made the decision to sell that business and to figure out what was going to light me up more in my life. It was a really big, hard decision, but really the best decision I ever made. And my path led me to really exploring creativity, because ironically, while I was a designer whose firm had lots of accolades, personally I felt very blocked about creating.

                                    That's the path that I decided to explore, and after two years of intensive study with a wonderful teacher and realizing that I wanted to bring everything I learned into creating a coaching practice, I knew that this understanding and exploration and teaching people to tap all of their creativity was going to be the centerpiece of my work. And so my belief is that we were born with a huge capacity to create that's this core of who we are, and from there, I created that term: creative core coach.

Susan Friedmann:         No wonder I hadn't heard of it before; you coined it. But it's beautiful, and it really gets to, as you say, the core of who we are and who we can be. Now, you talk about creative life, being creative. However, as a designer, that seems to be part of that expectation. You expect a designer to be creative, but us mere mortals, I mean, we think often that maybe we're not creative. What do you say to that, people who think that they're not creative?

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think the predominant orientation to that question about what is it to be a creative person. We think about those sorts of super special, talented people, the great actors, the great writers, the great musicians, the great poets. Most of us don't think we can possibly put ourselves in that category, and we think that that's a closed definition. It's so sad. For me, safely creating felt all about, "Well, I can use my creativity to solve my clients' problems," but I didn't feel that I was personally creative or that I could tap any of that.

                                    And the truth is, what I've come to believe and support people to do, is to think about creativity in two ways. The first is the mindset of a creator, believing that we have the creative capacity in us that we can tap any time to make our best decisions, to think in new ways, to be curious and open, to test without fear and to explore, and to tap our intuition, which is a huge, huge resource we all have.

                                    And the other side of that coin, if you will, is the opportunity we all have to be expressively creative in any way. You don't have to be an orchestra-level musician or great anything. You can create with your hands if you love to work in a workshop. You can dig in a garden. You can bring creativity into the way that you prepare and serve food. You can write poems, even if they're just for your own pleasure. You can sing in the shower. You can dance with abandon. There are tremendous ways that people can open up with the creative expression, and when we do that, we light ourselves up. We are more inspired. We have more new ideas. And this combination of the mindset and the act of creation together is fuel for a bigger life.

Susan Friedmann:         Well, that's a nice segue into the title of your book, which is to live big. Talk to us about this whole concept that you made the core of your book about, living big. What does that actually mean?

Rochelle Seltzer:           This is an idea that came to me when I was asked by my coach, "What is it that you really teach people? What's the real impact of this work?" I found myself coming up with this phrase: "I teach people to live big." It really became something for me to explore and expand on, which is really where the book came from. Essentially, I think that when we live big, it's when we create an exciting and fulfilling life, a life where we don't feel that there are any limits, a life where we fully show up in authentic ways, boldly when we need to be bold, without fear, really letting love drive us as opposed to a fear, knowing what your purpose is, finding that purpose, being true to yourself, being true to your heart, and speaking with clarity and belief in what's important to you. And this is how I think we get to have a real compass that can guide us to a satisfying and fulfilling and ever-expanding way of living every day.

Susan Friedmann:         One of the things you talked about when you mentioned being creative was that whole idea of the mindset of a creative person, or just having that mindset that you are creative. We have a lot of what I call head-trash going on that says, "Nah, you're not really creative." How do we deal with that head-trash, that inner critic, that judge, and jury, whatever you want to call it, that inner voice, that gets in the way of us finding the real purpose, finding the creativity, finding everything that we can to live big?

Rochelle Seltzer:           My term for that is the self-critic, but I agree with all the other variations that people come up with. There are many ways that the self-critic tries to come in and sabotage us. It can be perfectionism, comparison, feeling like an imposter. Fear is the overriding biggest form of the self-critic. I've come to understand it's really, truly just our ego trying to keep us where we are right now, because where we are right now is what your ego is comfortable with, and any time you try to rock the boat or stretch or expand, it's like, "Wait, hold it, hold it. I will throw something at you and try and keep you small."

                                    I have found a few things. One is what I call the practice of self-love. Self-love is actively believing in yourself, acknowledging your gifts. When you practice self-love, you feel deserving of respect and kindness and goodness and delight and joy in your life. This is something you can actually cultivate in an active way. You can smile at yourself in the mirror. You can write yourself post-it notes and put them everywhere you'll see them about how great you are.

                                    It's not being selfish. It's really filling yourself up with the belief in who you are because we all have tremendous gifts. And when you have that foundation of expanded self-love and the self-critical comments show up, A, you can spot them faster, and B, you can counter them. You can say, "I really am a gracious, good person, even though I inadvertently made a mistake." You don't beat yourself up in the same way or whatever.

                                    And I think it's where we can spot anything that it loses some of its power because you can be about to walk into an important event and spot that doubt coming up for you and say, "Okay, I see what you're doing here." My favorite technique is to say, "I can't banish you forever, but for the next hour, I'm going to be too busy being brilliant. So step outside," and just keep going.

Susan Friedmann:         I don't think we can get rid of that head-trash forever, but calming it and just seeing it as something just small. Yeah. You're going to do it anyway, whatever you're hearing in your ear, your inner ear, your inner self. Yes.

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think bringing some humor to it lightens it up. It doesn't feel quite as intense and heavy.

Susan Friedmann:         Yes. Humor does wonders. It absolutely does. So you talk about, in your book, living without fear, and I know that being an author, and you're an author, and we're talking to authors, whether we like it or not. I think there's always that fear: is my book good enough? Are people going to judge me? Are they going to critique? What are they going to think of me? How would you advise us to address that, Rochelle?

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think going back to this general concept of self-love and believing in yourself, when you have a strong base of that really sure sense that I wrote something wonderful here, without comparing yourself to anyone else, believing that this is an abundant universe and that you've created something for whom there are many people that it will have meaning and importance and standing in what you believed in when you wrote the book. You wrote the book from a place of wanting to share something important, believing in what you want to teach people, whatever that may be. And I think that even the greatest of the great get judged. So we're all going to get judged by somebody. It just depends on whether we want to really have it land if you will. Do we want to care about that, or do we want to believe in what we've done, believe in ourselves, and move forward?

Susan Friedmann:         And I think that's a really important part is not to lose sight of why did we write this in the first place? What drove us? What was the purpose? What's the message? What's the value that our book brings and can add to people's lives? I mean, even if you just change one person's life, it's an amazing feat that you've accomplished, because that one person can help another person. I feel that's a way of bringing greatness into the world, which I know is something that obviously you focus on with your clients.

Rochelle Seltzer:           Can I just add to that?

Susan Friedmann:         Absolutely.

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think you touched on something I talk about and think about a lot, which is the ripple effect that we all have with what we put into the world, and with our books, we never really know how far we're touching people, and I find that very, very exciting and inspirational. I love that you hit on that too.

Susan Friedmann:         Yes, the ripple effect. I love that. Now you talk about working with women who are blocked, stuck and small. Talk to us more about that idea of being blocked or stuck.

Rochelle Seltzer:           The women that I work with are really accomplished, and I think often feel like they're the only ones who are harboring any doubt or struggling with confidence. Sometimes there's been a hit to their confidence through something personal or professional. Many times they feel that they've gotten to a certain point in their careers and feel, "what's next?" or, "How did I get here? Is this what I really want?" And it's at all those junctures that there's a feeling that I think that I want a guide, or I know that I'm ready to step up to be able to navigate this moment in my life and move up to that next level that I feel called to do.

                                    So it could be something in your personal life. It could be something in your career or your business, but I believe we're whole people, and it's when we focus on this expanding ourselves and stepping up at a higher level to live a bigger life, that every part of our lives changes in a positive way.

Susan Friedmann:         Yeah. If we get to be very practical, which I like to do here on the program, is there a specific tip, a step, some formula that you can share that can help us? If we, let's say, wake up one day and we're like, "Oh, I feel blocked. I just can't do anything. I can't think creatively. I can't." They wallow in the "I can't"s.

Rochelle Seltzer:           Well, Susan, I know you have a copy of my book, and you've seen that there's an exercise that I use in many of the chapters, and actually the thing about my book, being a coach, is that I really want people to experience and activate the ideas that I'm talking about. So every chapter has a set of practices and things that you can do to bring any of these ideas into your life, and so the first half of the book is about how we show up in our lives and our state of being, which is a foundation, and then the doing or the act of things.

                                    But I think that the tool that I have introduced people to in the book, called the Discovery Dozen, is one that one could use any time somebody is in a moment that you just described, of feeling that indecision or feeling stuck or doubtful. It's a wonderful tool, a very flexible tool, and I invite people to check that out. It's a way to start asking yourself good questions. But if you don't have the book and you don't have the tool, you can just journal. You can find ways to start opening your heart and exploring for yourself what's going on, and I think that's a wonderful practice for people.

Susan Friedmann:         I'm so tempted for you to take us through that Discovery Dozen, but I know that you've promised that to our premium members, so I'm going to hold off, and listeners, when you become a premium member of Book Marketing Mentors, then you're going to get the absolute how-tos of the Discovery Dozen. And by the way, this book is one of the most beautiful books that I have in my library. Listeners, you have to get a copy of Rochelle's books. Rochelle, talk to us about how people can actually get a copy of the book.

Rochelle Seltzer:           The book is on Amazon. If you want to read more about it, and some of the wonderful endorsements that I'm very proud of, there's a website called thelivebigbook.com. You can read about the book. You can see what it looks like. You can have a link to my website to learn more about me and my work there as well. And I want to also say that there's also an opportunity on that website, thelivebigbook.com, for people to download a number of gifts that are offered in the book that they can get just right through the website. I think that that's something that your listeners might enjoy.

Susan Friedmann:         Give us that website again.

Rochelle Seltzer:           Thelivebigbook.com.

Susan Friedmann:         Excellent. One of the other aspects of this book is the beauty. It's not just a normal-looking book. It's just a beautiful piece of work and just exudes creativity throughout. So just looking at it from that standpoint, listeners, I think it's worth investing in that as well. Rochelle, our listeners love to learn about mistakes. What are some mistakes that you might be able to share with us that we should avoid?

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think that the biggest mistake is allowing yourself to be stopped, allowing yourself to hesitate to the point of stagnation. I'm a big believer in ongoing action, even when it's a very, very, very tiny step. Take a baby step if it's hard, but keep yourself moving and taking action toward whatever it is that you want to do. There's no limit to what's possible, and I think many of us think we have to do big, audacious, dramatic things for them to be meaningful. My advice is to just take small steps in any direction that's meaningful to you. Be open, curious, and keep moving.

Susan Friedmann:         Yeah, keep moving.

Rochelle Seltzer:           Because we have the opportunity every minute of every day to do something meaningful, creative, thoughtful, expansive. Just keep moving.

Susan Friedmann:         And I think that we don't necessarily think about it in that way. We just do, and then don't even give ourselves credit for being creative in the moment. It just is something that just seems to happen.

Rochelle Seltzer:           I'm so glad you mentioned that Susan, because you reminded me of something that I do with my clients. I ask them even when they're having a rough patch to acknowledge themselves with a "yay me", to share something that they can tap themselves on the shoulder on the back about and appreciate about themselves because we're hard on ourselves, and sometimes it's a small "yay me"s that can be just the fuel for keeping us moving.

Susan Friedmann:         I think I'm going to make a sticker that says "yay me", just to remind myself, because you're right. I'm my worst critic. I'm the hardest person on myself. I have a feeling that maybe our listeners share that with me as well.

Rochelle Seltzer:           I certainly share that with you, Susan. I think it's very common.

Susan Friedmann:         Yeah. And the whole idea I think of perfectionism... And I know in theory this doesn't exist. There's nothing that's perfect. However, I still strive for it and sometimes hold myself back because it's not good enough in my eyes.

Rochelle Seltzer:           I think that the world is robbed of so much because so many of us do that. We don't really put things out because of that fear and that self-limitation. We hurt ourselves and we hurt everyone else.

Susan Friedmann:         I think that's an interesting point to remember, that we're not only hurting ourselves, but we're hurting and denying others the wisdom of our creativity or the wisdom of our thinking or our leadership or anything else that we're bringing into this world of value that we offer. So, yeah. Yay me. Rochelle, if you were to leave our listeners with a golden nugget, what would that be?

Rochelle Seltzer:           I invite everyone listening to consider every moment of every day to be an opportunity for them to create: to create a new thought, to take a new action, to try something new, to share something in a new way, or even just to share something. That's an act of generosity and creation, that every moment, even if you have, let's say, an ultimatum and you have two options thrown at you that you don't find satisfactory, you can create another response, or pick the best of the two and then create the next step. After that, every moment is an opportunity for us to create the best decision, the best action, and keep moving forward.

Susan Friedmann:         Yes. Just remembering to keep moving forward and not letting that stand in the way or block us. Oh, what wisdom. This has been so beautiful. Listeners, I think you're going to have to listen to this a few times just to really absorb the wisdom that Rochelle has shared with us today. So thank you so much. This has been wonderful. And thank you all for taking time out of your precious day to listen to this interview, and I sincerely hope that it sparked some ideas you can use to sell more books. Here's wishing you much book and author marketing success.

Get your copy of Rochelle's book "Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life"

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According to marketing guru, Seth Godin, "The Discovery Dozen" exercises will change your creative practice (and your life) for the better."