How to Best Unleash Your True Potential

Transcript

Susan Friedmann 00:42

Welcome to book marketing mentors, the weekly podcast where you learn proven strategies, tools, ideas, and tips from the masters.

Every week, introduce you to a marketing master who will share their expertise to help you market and sell more books.

Today, my special guest is known as the superstar activator.

Michelle Villalobos, MBA CSP, works with mission-driven superstars who want to reimagine and redesign their careers, businesses and lives for more freedom, fulfillment, income, and impact.

She does this by helping them align what they do with who they really are and then build out a plan of action and mindset to support the new vision.

Susan Friedmann 00:58

She's a friend, she's a colleague, she's an Aviva publishing author, and she's my esteemed business coach.

Michelle, it's an absolute pleasure to welcome you back to the show, and thank you for being this week's guest expert and mentor.

Michelle Villalobos 01:01

Thank you, Susan.

It's a privilege and

Susan Friedmann 01:24

a pleasure to be here.

So since the last time you and I were on the call together, you've written a book.

A beautiful book.

I wish we could actually show people how absolutely gorgeous this book is.

And you chose to use Aviso Publishing to do that, so thank you for that.

Susan Friedmann 01:39

But just tell me a little bit about your journey with this book and why this book is important to you and where you see it taking you and your business.

Michelle Villalobos 02:13

Thank you.

Well, yeah, the book is called "But I Want to Fly," and it is a poem.

It's about a 4-and-a-half minute, rhyming poem, a very fun and meaningful, beautiful poem about following your dreams in a nutshell.

Really, it's about breaking down, breaking through, and then finding the blessing in the breakdown.

So it's the story of v, who goes on a journey at the beginning of the book she discovers that she's been basically, she's kind of sold herself out and she hasn't been true to herself.

Michelle Villalobos 02:33

And to her true desires and dreams.

And over the course of the book, she finds a dream.

She has this dream that she wants to fly.

And essentially builds a pair of wings and takes a leap off of the side of a mountain and gets to go on this fabulous journey.

Where in the journey she essentially discovers herself in the process.

Michelle Villalobos 02:55

So it's quite inspiring and motivating and fun and beautiful.

I had an illustrator do the drawings for the poem.

And it's just so it's really a work of art and it's like nothing I've ever done before and don't know if I'll ever do anything like it again.

I mean, it's really special.

You know, when I did it, I originally was just doing it for fun, for pleasure, for myself.

Michelle Villalobos 03:24

You know, it was a fun project, a creative project, and I had recently had the realization that I wanted to create more for fun, not just for business.

Then, of course, once I created it, I decided I wanted to turn it into something and use it somehow in the business.

It's become how I see it being used in my business, how I see it, it's sort of become the archetypal mythic tale of the superstar.

Right?

You as a superstar, which is the work I do.

Michelle Villalobos 03:45

I work with thought leaders and coaches and speakers and authors to help them build a business that aligns with who they really are.

You know, Vee's journey is a metaphor for that.

It's a metaphor for coming back to yourself, figuring out what you're here to do on this planet, and actually building the life and the business that allow you to do that thing.

Susan Friedmann 04:36

It's a beautiful way in which you wrote this.

And I remember the day that you said, oh, you had this dream and you told us about it.

And then all of a sudden, this book came to life, and it just kept on taking on more and more of a life to the point that it became this incredible piece of work And I know that we've submitted it for an award, so I really am hoping and keeping my fingers crossed that something comes of that because it deserves so many accolades, so yes.

The idea of being a superstar living and working in a life that you were really meant for.

Talk to us more about that because I'm not sure that Enough of us do that.

Susan Friedmann 04:49

It's a matter of, yes, it sounds so ideal, and there's that but.

How do we do this?

What do we have to do?

Is there a mindset where do we start with all this?

Michelle Villalobos 05:24

Yeah.

There's so much to it.

I think that what I've determined or discovered or the way I see it, let's say, is that all roads come back to 1 core practice.

With this 1 practice, everything sort of reorganizes, to create more joy, more passion, more pleasure, more profit, more prosperity, all the things.

And I'll set it up a little bit by sharing what it isn't because I think this is how most of us do life and do business, do our careers.

Michelle Villalobos 05:47

At least this is how I've done it.

And apparently, a lot of the people that are drawn to the work I do, they've done it this way too, which is operating from the outside in other words, we learn as children that in order to be happy, we need to be successful.

And in order to be successful, we must achieve, and we must set goals, and we must achieve those goals.

And some of us set goals that are, like me, okay.

I'm gonna get really good grades.

Michelle Villalobos 06:13

I'm gonna get into a really good school.

I'm gonna get a high GPA, get a great job, and work my way up the ladder.

And there's this sort of, like, expectation that when I do all these things, once I get there wherever there is, I'll be happy, and I'll have made it.

This was my kind of subconscious thinking, then I'll relax, then I'll take care of myself, then I will enjoy life, you know.

I see a lot of people living like this.

Michelle Villalobos 06:42

I even saw my own dad live like this.

Maybe not everybody does it, but certainly, a lot of overachievers have this kind of approach to life, which is what I call the once I approach.

Like, once I get past this goal, once I make it to this thing, then I'll do what I love or then I'll be who I wanna be or then I'll be happy.

Right?

And what happened to me and what I think happens to a lot of people is that happiness then ends up being always on the other side of some achievement or accomplishment.

Michelle Villalobos 07:15

But the problem is that we make the achievement or the accomplishment And usually, we don't really celebrate it.

It doesn't really feel all that good, and we just set another goal.

Another achievement, another once I.

And I was living my life from 1 to the next 1 to the next until I finally, long story very short, I just had a breakdown in 20 14, and things really started to unravel in my life.

My health unraveled, my personal relationship, my business started to break down, and revenues dried up.

Michelle Villalobos 07:36

I just really couldn't stain this outside approach to life anymore, where I was living to achieve and accomplish and win in other words.

The breakdown had me I call it my dark night of the soul.

It was several months.

I went inward, and I started to look at How did I get here?

Right?

Michelle Villalobos 08:00

Like, what were all the series of choices that led me here?

And I started to see with the help of a mentor and personal development and inquiry that every decision that I had made was what led me there.

I could blame other people.

I could blame my ex some cheated on me and right.

I could blame all these other people, and my parents were raising me this way and setting up all these expectations.

Michelle Villalobos 08:55

I could blame whatever But at the end of the day, really the only person that's responsible for my life, whether I'm to blame or not, is irrelevant.

The only person responsible is me.

And so I started looking at what does it look like if I just take responsibility for my life and I recognize that I made decisions that were not in alignment with my true self over and over and over again from choosing my college to saying yes to my first job to all of the decisions I've made, I've made it from a place of optimizing for achievement and success rather than from a place of optimizing for alignment.

This is my definition of alignment.

I don't know what the official 1 is, but I consider alignment to be the dynamic process of embodying truth, our truth in every aspect of our lives.

Michelle Villalobos 09:14

Alignment to me is now that thing that I'm always searching for instead of achievement.

I'm always looking for, is this in alignment with my true self.

Is this in alignment with my highest self?

Is this in alignment with my heart, with my soul, with my passion, with my destiny?

And instead of asking, will I win with this decision?

Michelle Villalobos 09:29

Will this get me something I want or rather is this in alignment with who I really am?

And that's a very, very different way of living life.

And that is really the deeper message of, but I want to fly and my deeper message.

Susan Friedmann 09:44

That's so true as he was saying that I was thinking, oh, all the times that I'd strived to do something, and I've gotten there.

And I was like, okay.

Now what?

And then on to the next thing and not even giving myself credit --

Michelle Villalobos 09:45

Yeah.

Susan Friedmann 10:11

for, you know, what I had achieved because It's almost as if it wasn't good enough.

I was looking for the next step.

And I know, you know, you've told me about this many times or reminded me.

Something that you said earlier which I think is very important too is the fact that you sought help from a mentor.

And I know you work with a mentor, and I work with a mentor.

Susan Friedmann 10:28

I mean, you're 1 of my mentor coaches.

The importance of that, talk to us about the importance of, yes, okay.

We want to coach other people, but being the coach of the coach.

What does that look like for you?

It's

Michelle Villalobos 10:56

now 15 years and the first 7 and a half I was very resistant to mentorship to coaching, especially to invest in it.

I had somebody that helped me we had a trade agreement.

And because I wasn't investing at a high level in it, I don't think I showed up fully to it.

And so in my breakdown, honestly, it wasn't that I sought out mentors.

It's that they fell in my lap.

Michelle Villalobos 11:19

I really almost felt like I had no choice.

My first 1 of these types of mentors of the ones that I've really invested in at a high level, he wouldn't let me go.

You know?

He really saw something in me that I didn't really see or recognize in myself.

I'd just gotten out of a massive feeling of being traded, and so I was not trusting.

Michelle Villalobos 11:48

I was very cynical, but some small little part of me said yes to working with him.

And he really Suthby told he came on kind of strong, and I was a little turned off at first.

But I recognize now that it was because he knew he could help me and he saw me I guess there was a part of me that was resisting it, but there was also a part of me that knew that that was the path.

So that was a game changer for me, and he was a tough-love kind of coach.

He wasn't rainbows and unicorns, lovey-dovey.

Michelle Villalobos 12:11

He was very real, and he was very demanding.

I needed that.

And he demanded that I do the inner work.

He demanded that I stop being so obsessive-compulsive about all the strategies that I needed to win and that I start cultivating my inner world.

By meditation, yoga, and all those things.

Michelle Villalobos 12:40

He introduced me to a world of practices, many of which I still use to this day.

That was my first foray into a really high ticket, high touch, high-value poaching.

And I got inspired by him.

And once I'd had a glimpse of it and, you know, I had my own areas that I was an expert in.

I wasn't at the time gonna coach people the way he did in that personal development space, but I I was a branding expert, a branding strategist.

Michelle Villalobos 13:19

And so I started to take on science and do what he did, and what I realized very quickly well, not that quickly, could have been faster.

Was that the outer work, the strategic work is nothing without the inner work.

It's the inner work that creates the conditions for the outer work to take root and take hold and blossom and flourish.

And that was kind of the same theme again from the outside in.

I had been working in branding for years operating from the outside in, helping people find a message and tagline, and a picture, and a, you know, all crafted for the audience.

Michelle Villalobos 13:59

But not really crafted all the way from the inside out.

Like, I wasn't really helping my clients fully embody that which they were claiming as a brand.

And, of course, when people are not fully embodying the thing that they're proclaiming to the world, the world sees through it, and it doesn't work that well.

So within a couple of years, it became clear that I needed to continue to do my inner work and to help clients lead them down their path of inner work to help them really become aligned with that which they were claiming and to claim that which was more in alignment with who they really were if that makes sense.

Susan Friedmann 14:43

It certainly does and several things that are coming out for me The fact is that the 2 have to work in sync, the inner work and the outer work.

You can't just have 1 without the other.

And really, as you rightly say, be in alignment.

The other thing that you mentioned, is the fact that other people see in you things that you don't necessarily see in yourself, and this is, for me, many times, the beauty of a coach and mentor because we see ourselves completely differently than others do.

You know, you look in the mirror and you see something and whatever stories you have around who you are and what you've done and how you've done it.

Susan Friedmann 15:03

And whether you've been good enough or not, etcetera.

But other people see a different side of you, and I think that is so important then working with a coach, a mentor who can help you to align both the inside and the outer you.

As well.

Would you agree with that?

Completely.

Michelle Villalobos 15:10

What I like to say, and I don't know who first said this is you can't see the label of the jar you're in.

Susan Friedmann 15:17

You can't see the label of the jar you're in.

Absolutely not.

Wow.

That's pretty profound.

Michelle Villalobos 15:30

Yeah.

What a mentor can do.

And the key is, let me back up a second, just say, not just any mentor.

I feel like there are a lot of coaches out there now, and that's great.

I love watching this industry grow.

Michelle Villalobos 15:53

I think it's important.

It's valuable.

It's powerful.

And we're all on our own journey.

So it's really important to find someone who is doing the work and is self-aware enough to know and to distinguish if they're projecting onto you or we just wanna be mindful because it's very easy for someone to give advice Right?

Michelle Villalobos 16:42

It's not as easy to give wisdom.

I'd make the distinction because advice is sort of universal or, you know, you find it in a book or in a blog or on at GPT, but wisdom is really dialed in for you, for the, you know, your unique makeup, your unique personality, your unique preferences, your desire, your passion, your purpose, your past, your future, you know, all of it.

And so good advice might not actually be good advice for someone.

So a mentor I think has to be also someone who's very mindful that they are coming at it what I call clean, that that they are clean coaching, right, that they're coaching from neutral without attachment without projection.

And that's where I think it can be challenging, you know.

Michelle Villalobos 17:03

And it's super important to find people who operate as a clean mirror.

For you, someone who's really gonna be able to reflect back to your truth without distorting it with their own stories and their own situations.

And I think we all have a tendency to do that, and so we just have to be really aware when we're coaching to coach clean.

Susan Friedmann 17:25

Coaching clean.

Yes.

And the difference between wisdom or advice and wisdom is so true.

And I think wisdom so much of it does come from experience.

I mean, both you and I, we've been out there with street smarts we've experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Susan Friedmann 17:41

We want to share much of that at the same time knowing what is right for the person who we're working with.

I think that's important as well.

And it's hard to find somebody who is you call a clean coach.

Yeah.

You know?

Susan Friedmann 18:01

Because everybody I'm good at this.

Therefore, you should hire me.

Right.

I know 1 thing that you and I were going to talk about and I got so derailed because I was like, oh, we got talking about the book, but I know 1 of the things that we wanted talk about, and let's touch on it a bit with some of the time that we've got left.

Susan Friedmann 18:29

And that is sales of service.

It blends into what you've been talking about here.

I know that the word sales for so many of our listeners is this or let a word.

People really want to run a mile from it, and your approach, which is such a beautiful approach, is the idea of sales and service.

So could you touch on that a little bit and give us a few nuggets to help our listeners?

Michelle Villalobos 19:05

Yeah.

Well, the concept the brand or the name of it dropped in and I know a lot of people talk about selling getting into service mode when you're selling, that it's important that you serve while you're selling.

And that's all true.

But the distinction the way I really look at it is that your sales process is actually a way you serve people, that when we reframe sales as service rather than a sales to serve or selling to serve, but rather sales as service, which means that the process itself serves people Whether they buy or don't buy.

Right?

Michelle Villalobos 19:54

That it's a process that people will end up on the other side of your sales process better.

And if they buy, you know, they're better because they're moving on to the next step.

But if they don't buy, they're better because they gained some sort of valuable insight idea or perspective that you can share.

And so sales as service is about reframing instead of coming into a sales conversation with the intention of selling and the intention of getting a yes because that's really what people are attached to usually when they enter a sales conversation, instead of being attached to that outcome, right, being attached to the energetic of service.

And that trusting that from that energetic of true service, from that desire, from that intention, then the sale will happen.

Michelle Villalobos 20:15

If it's meant to.

If it's a right fit and you follow a good process, which I give people, then the sale will just it will happen.

Right, when you approach it in this way and with this structure versus approaching it with the idea that I have to get a yes.

Right?

Most people approach sales with the intention of getting a deal, or closing a sale.

Michelle Villalobos 20:25

Always be selling.

Always be closing.

Right?

I remember I was in many sales jobs.

Early in my career, I'd get on a call and my whole thing was how do I get to a yes.

Michelle Villalobos 20:55

Right?

How do I overcome the objections?

What do I have to say?

What do I have to do?

To get to a yes, and sales as service is instead of being attached to that yes being attached to serving and trusting that when we serve fully and completely, we'll get the yeses that we're meant to get and that ultimately, even the people that walk away and don't buy something, they had the experience of being served and being seen and being cared for, and they might come back or they might refer business.

Michelle Villalobos 20:59

I've gotten many clients from people who were a no who ended up referring me a speaking

Susan Friedmann 21:12

engagement or a friend or something like that.

Yeah.

And I think with sir, as you rightly say, we're attached to that outcome because that's what was indoctrinated.

That was the sales training.

You've gotta get your quota.

Susan Friedmann 21:44

You've gotta get the numbers.

And why didn't you get the sale, etcetera?

But coming from that whole different mindset of being able to serve someone and you're offering them an opportunity and whether it's right for them, no or not, you know, they finally make that decision.

It's a choice, but really not being attached to that rather than getting off the phone or any kind of interaction saying, oh, they didn't buy.

They don't like me.

Susan Friedmann 21:49

What do you know?

What did I do wrong?

And all of a sudden, it's all about you.

Rather

Michelle Villalobos 21:50

than saying,

Susan Friedmann 21:52

hey, I delivered.

I gave them a gift.

Michelle Villalobos 22:07

That's right.

Yeah.

Again, it's kind of similar to what we were talking about earlier.

It's being instead of being attached to the outcome, the outside picture, it's being more attached to the internal game of the intention.

Right?

Michelle Villalobos 22:26

When we're attached to serving, then we know that if we've done it or not.

And we have full control over that.

We absolutely have full control over that, and we don't have full control over an outcome.

It's kinda silly to pin everything on these outcomes because then it almost encourages a worldview where we're trying to control everything.

We're trying to control other people.

Michelle Villalobos 22:45

We're trying to control their response.

We're trying to control what they do, how they feel, what they say you know?

And it's just it's not a fun way to live.

And I know because I did it for so long.

And I still get to find ways to stop doing that and to release outcomes and to come back to Alignment, come back to the center.

Susan Friedmann 22:58

Mhmm, that's so beautiful.

Michelle, I know that our listeners are chomping at the bit to find out more about you.

How can they get in touch with you?

Take it away.

Michelle Villalobos 23:22

Thank you.

My website is super star activator dot com.

That's command central for all things superstar.

And then I've got the book website which is but I want to fly dot com.

And then if somebody's actually interested in coaching with me or learning about working together, the best way to do that is to go to superstar activator dot com slash go.

Michelle Villalobos 23:39

That go funnel, essentially, It'll take you down a path, some questions, it'll kind of try to get a sense of if I can support you, and it'll give you some options.

Options for booking a free discovery call.

It'll give you free stuff.

That's the best way if you're curious about working together.

Susan Friedmann 23:53

Yes.

Go do it.

Listeners.

I will put all of that in the show notes so that if you're traveling at the time and haven't got anything to write down or you're on the treadmill or wherever, listening, I'll put those in the show notes.

Michelle Villalobos 24:30

I would like to mention my business breakthrough retreat Susan because that's really my most foundational amazing creation in the business world.

Like, that's my fundamental program.

You've been to it a few times, it's a 3-day intensive where we basically map out a new vision for your business, a vision that's more in alignment, a vision that's built on some sort of strategic model that has a big back end.

In other words, something that has recurring revenues, that has stability that's scalable, So that's kinda my favorite thing to do with people.

And if somebody's interested in that, they can learn about that at SuperstarBusiness Breakthrough.com.

Michelle Villalobos 24:30

And

Susan Friedmann 24:49

I'll put that in the notes as well.

Yes.

Listen to us if you can get the opportunity to do that for 3 days.

A workshop, I've done it multiple times.

And each time, something else, there's some other revelation that I get, and can never take enough of those, so thank you.

Susan Friedmann 25:00

I will definitely put that in.

And Michelle, as you know, we always hand off with a golden nugget.

So what are your words of wisdom that you'd like to leave our listeners with?

Michelle Villalobos 25:35

Well, I have this new phrase.

That dropped in last week, that I'm loving, and so I'll leave them with this.

Desire is Destiny's calling card.

What that means is that where there is a real deep, true desire for something for an experience for a way of living, for a way of being, then my advice, my wisdom would be to listen, to really listen to that because that is a part of you that's calling you forward towards something that's aligned with your heart, with your soul, with your true self.

Michelle Villalobos 25:43

And so deep listening to what your heart is desiring, I think is a really important practice in the path towards greater alignment.

Susan Friedmann 26:02

And we started off with this whole idea of alignment and then tying the bow with the alignment at the end, and so it's exactly it's beautiful.

It's just sort of what do they call it.

They're closing the loop.

So that's very much what we've managed to do.

So, Michelle, Thank you.

Susan Friedmann 26:18

Thank you.

It's always a pleasure having you here and for you sharing your wisdom.

I really appreciate it.

And listeners, Listen to this several times again because there was so much wisdom packed up in this beautiful interview.

Susan Friedmann 26:18

And also, if your book isn't selling the way you wanted or expected to, lets you and I jump on a quick call together to brainstorm ways you can ramp up those sales because you've invested a whole lot of time, money, and energy and it's time you got the return you were hoping for.

So go to BrainstormWithSusan.com to schedule your free call.

In the meantime, I hope this powerful interview sparks some ideas you can use to sell more books.

How to Best Unleash Your True Potential - BM367

Susan Friedmann

Michelle Villalobos

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